Bed rest

So, on Sunday I started to spot a bit. Not much but, enough to get my nerves going. So, Trevor gave me a blessing because I really feel like I'm done with all of this crap. We both felt ok about things. Yesterday I went to work and it was a very simple day, not too busy. Well, the bleeding got worse and worse. I called the clinic and they said they don't worry about spotting. They told me to take it easy and if the bleeding got worse to just lay down and rest. Well, the bleeding got worse so for the first time in my almost 10 year career....I left work early. I cried the entire way home because I was so nervous. Trevor was so great. He was being as positive as he could and trying to get me to relax.

So, I called the clinic again when the bleeding went in to full force. They said there is nothing that I can do except rest and do the pregnancy test Wednesday. The bleeding could be bad or it could just be a bump in the road and I am still pregnant. We don't know. It seems to me that I was pregnant or may still be because my period wasn't supposed to start until next Monday. So, we will see.

I am not going to work today either. So, lots of PTO to use this week.

Now I am going to vent. I am not saying any of my below comments in search of answers or comfort. I am just venting. FYI

Why does every stinking step of this kid process have to be so damn hard? Why? I just don't get it. It's not like I am asking for a six pack on my tummy to magically appear. I am not asking for a million bucks so I can just do nothing the rest of my life. I am asking for a family so I can be a mother and teach them the values in life. My goodness.

With that being vented....I know that all things in my life happen for good reason. Trevor and I are living our lives the best way we know how to so, we will learn from this. We will move forward and we will give every single ounce of strength and every penny we get to this family of ours.

Thanks for the venting session. It's great to have you 'listen.' hee hee